Thoughts Aren’t (always) Facts or Instructions

One of the most common things I hear when people begin meditating is, “I can’t do it. I can’t stop thinking.” I also thought the goal was to calm my mind. Quiet. Still. I was waiting for the day when I’d sit down on my cushion and feel peaceful. That day never came.

Instead, I realized that my mind’s job is to generate thoughts. It’s really good at it. If you want to witness your mind in action, try this one-minute exercise: Set a timer on your phone, press start, close your eyes, and simply count your thoughts. The first time I did this, my initial thought was, Is this a thought? Yes, that’s one. Just count. What was your number? Mine can reach 22.

And then there's the content of our thoughts. When I sold my company, the attorney who helped me through the process frequently spoke about “fact patterns.” Some were advantageous; others were not. The same is true of the brain. If I practice believing that I’m not good enough, that thought becomes easier to access and repeat. Many of my thoughts are reruns of old, unhelpful stories I’ve been telling myself for decades. That story is some version of “I’m not good enough.”

Tara Brach says that, “When people are suffering, they tend to believe their thoughts.” This shifted how I think about my mind.

Having Thoughts Isn’t a Problem

The first time I realized that my thoughts aren’t facts or instructions, I felt free. I’ve discovered that some are useful. Some are habits. Some are trying to protect me. Some are old stories. And some are simple associations. I’ll be thinking about what to have for lunch, which leads to dinner, ingredients, the grocery store, and whether Whole Foods will be too crowded. My mind is a great worker, but a terrible boss.

Planning, remembering, worrying, replaying conversations (okay, ruminating), daydreaming—this is what the mind does. I often find mine writing my next newsletter piece. Meditation won’t get rid of thoughts. It helps us see them. When we can see them clearly, we create a little distance that helps us decide how to respond (or not).

When we’re starting to practice noticing thoughts, there are a few simple steps:

1.        Place your attention on an anchor (breath, sound, physical sensations)

2.        Your mind wanders.

3.        You notice. You might softly note to yourself, “thinking.”

4.        You come back to the anchor.

You may do this a hundred times in one meditation session. I used to feel that moment as a failure because my mind wandered AGAIN! In reality, that’s the moment of waking up. It’s evidence that we are becoming a witness to our thoughts, that we’re training our own awareness. It means we’re paying attention.